Why You Should Visit North Korea

By Logan Gladstone ‘28
    In June 2024, I received a beautiful package from Kim Jong Un inviting me on an all-expenses-paid trip to North Korea. The package contained a beautiful traditional Korean doll, but before I could open the rest, my mom called bomb control in fear. The trip lasted two weeks and included a variety of activities. I got to experience all North Korea has to offer. Here are the six most memorable things I did.

Luxurious Resorts: North Korea offers a plethora of luxury resorts along the Yellow Sea. They are so exclusive that I was the only guest there. 
The hotel offered many fun activities, like shark hunting. We didn’t catch sharks but we found leftover wood in the water. When I asked my guide about it, he ignored me.
Unicorn Lair: Kim Jong Un personally invited me to the unicorn lair with REAL unicorns. They were magical and stunning.
 Unicorns are quite similar to humans because the horn has a Shein tag. I asked Kim about it and he responded, “Are unicorns not allowed to wear fashion from our great ally China?”
Internet Cafe: I was given free time so I wandered into an internet cafe across the street from my hotel. I asked for the WiFi password, they told me the Supreme Leader said I couldn’t have it. I asked for a latte, they told me the Supreme Leader said I couldn’t have it.
 I asked what I could have, and they said they would text the Supreme Leader, but he wouldn’t give them a cell phone, so I was out of luck.
Golf Game with Kim Jong Un: Kim took me to Pyongyang Golf Course. He told all about his father getting 11 holes-in-one in one round. I counted him taking 150 shots throughout the round but he wrote 69. Like father, like son.
Aerospace Museum: This museum taught me that the American moon landing was filmed in Burbank, California, while Kim Jong-Il landed on the moon in 1967. Turns out the only thing NASA is an expert in is Photoshop. 
Private Flight on Kim's Jet: When returning to America, military officials personally escorted me to the airport so I felt safer. I immediately fell asleep when I boarded the plane and woke up near a large concrete complex at an airport. 
They said this was a five-star hotel for Americans. Currently, I am sleeping in a small, quaint, concrete room on a bunk bed. We also get to do work during the day in the garden.
You should visit North Korea if you are ready to start all over again from scratch. So when coming to Pyongyang, just disconnect and reconnect to nature, the Earth, and Supreme Leader Kim Jong Un.