10 DIY Tips to Increase Your Carbon Footprint

By Oren Goldman ‘25
Living in the age of climate collapse can be stressful. With wildfires, hurricanes and what often feels like all around chaos, we all need a break from protecting modern civilization and some time to focus on ourselves. As Rabbi Hillel famously said, “If I am not for myself, who will be for me?” For that reason, here are 10 stay-positive and carbon-positive ways to increase your carbon footprint. 

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1. Drive everywhere: Maybe you could walk to school, but what good would that do for anyone? Start driving your car everywhere you go and feel good for it. As they say, the more people you leave coughing in your wake, the better a person you are.
   
2. Take to the skies: Sure, driving is a great first step for increasing your carbon emissions, but you can do better. Why use a car when you can catch a flight to anywhere instead? Feel powerful and omnipotent as geese fall from the sky when a cloud of jet engine smoke hits them.
   
3. Make a donation to boost your carbon: There are many websites you can visit such as revivingcarbon.org and carboncomeback.gov to reintroduce any carbon into the atmosphere that you may have accidentally offset. Donate more than $50, and these websites will personally carve your name into a piece of coal before burning it.
   
4. Eat more meat and dairy: Although it is hard to rebuild your home after it suffers natural disasters caused by climate change, reducing your meat consumption is harder, so you might as well just go full carnivore at this point.
   
5. Only support unsustainable agricultural practices: There are plenty of big brands to choose from: Dyson, Dole, Chiquita, Nestlé, the list goes on and on! Extra points if the brands you shop from are known for union-busting or overthrowing entire countries and turning them into Banana Republics.
   
   
6. Buy single-use everything: Sure, you could use metal, wood, paper, or bamboo, but it is important to preserve traditions. You only live once, and so should the plastic you use. 
   
7. Waste electricity: You pay for your electricity, so you might as well flaunt your wealth by wasting it. Feel free to keep your lights on and always leave your devices plugged in. 
   
8. Take extra long showers: Never mind the fact that you’re wasting energy, or that half the country is in a mega-drought — you’ll need some extra time in the shower if you are to complete your four-stage beauty routine.
   
9. Invest in fossil fuels: To really boost your carbon emissions, do this as much as possible and encourage your community to do the same. Not only does your money not grow on trees, but your money should also be used to cut down more trees.
   
10. Throw out your recycling: Sometimes we want to feel like we are doing a good thing, without the responsibility of actually doing it. That is why we suggest putting your recycling in your blue recycling bin, but at the end of the day put it in with the rest of your trash. It’s that simple!