Exxonmobil announces "Green" fuel: Oil painted Green

By Austin Colm ‘25
As the world tries to heavily reduce its environmental footprint, Exxon has drawn up some clever ways to reduce its emissions. 

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The company recently announced that it will release a “green” petroleum product to mitigate its responsibility in the climate crisis. This gasoline derivative will be modified with green food coloring, as well as green paint bought from Home Depot.
According to ExxonMobil, “The green dye and green paint will together convert the petroleum into the healthy chemicals, Carbon Dioxide and Methane,” significantly reducing the carbon footprint of cars. 
One user of the new product stated that he is in love with the “green fuel” and believes it will save both the planet and his wallet, as he no longer feels the need to purchase an electric vehicle. George Oscar Arnold of West Orange said, “the new Exxon fuel is perfect for my car aesthetic. It also placates my desire for a cleaner atmosphere. It is so simple and cheap, you would think it was fake!”
Other companies in the fuel industry have jumped on the “green fuel” trend. Shell, another fossil fuel industry supergiant, has also announced new strides to reduce their carbon emissions. 
The corporation announced that its gas pumps will now feature a new nozzle, containing a filter that adds an ocean-scented aroma, which Shell claims removes 100% of the carbon dioxide emissions produced from gasoline.    
Some, however, are not so enthusiastic about Shell’s new zero-carbon fuel. New car-owner Tre Hogger said, “When I tried to use this new zero-carbon nozzle, nothing came out. I started my car thinking the tank was full, but then my car just stopped right there 20 feet later. Shell still charged me $100 though.”

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