Happiness Rises 80,000 Percent Following Chevrolet’s “We’re All in This Together” Ad Campaign

By Sam Zaslow-Braverman ‘23

    2020 and 2021 have proven to be difficult years for most Americans, and until three days ago, the nation had been an overall somber place. After the release of Chevrolet’s new “We’re All in This Together” advertising campaign, however, the national rate of happiness has risen by over 80,000 percent. This unprecedented spike in morale has already been cited by many of the world’s foremost professionals as completely revolutionary.

“All around the world, people are unhappy,” Erik Terrance, Head of Marketing at General Motors, explained in a statement given to the Flame. “Specifically in the United States, which is one of our key markets, there has been unbelievable political, environmental and social turmoil. The marketing team and I felt a responsibility to tell people that Chevrolet has their backs. More specifically, the 2021 Chevrolet Camaro has your back, for a starting price of $56,000.”
Economists have been quick to take note of the unique phenomenon. James Sparrow, one such economist based in Philadelphia, commended Chevrolet on their approach to consumer relations.
“It’s truly unprecedented,” Sparrow said, whilst sweating nervously and glancing frantically between a framed picture of his family and his wall-mounted telephone. “Never before has a company feigned interest in people’s lives in an attempt to sell cars. It’s revolutionary.”
In addition to economists, many psychologists have begun to study the effects of Chevrolet’s advertisements. Dr. Amy Drummond, one such psychologist, elaborated on the studies.
“We started by rounding up a group of fifty Americans from different demographics and insulting them relentlessly, after which we showed them a still from Chevrolet’s Super Bowl commercial slot,” Drummond explained. “Immediately, they began crying tears of joy, and roughly 73 percent of them left the room and drove to the nearest dealership. Everyone we surveyed had seen a car commercial before, but none of them had ever seen a car commercial that lulled them into a sense of unity before going in for the kill.”
Working closely with Dr. Drummond is Dr. Walt Verigno, a mammal research scientist. Verigno’s area of study pertains to the effects of Chevrolet’s advertisements on the primate brain.
“We’re primarily studying the brains of apes,” Verigno said. “The first group we tested responded very poorly to the commercials, calling them disingenuous and greedy. So we got rid of them, and the second group was far more receptive, with many of them cracking actual smiles. I've been working with apes for upwards of twenty years, and that's the only time I’ve ever seen one of them smile.”
Even at Golda Och Academy, Chevrolet’s advertisements have stirred the populace into a frenzy. Sophomore Ilan Rekem is especially enthusiastic about them.
“Ever since I saw the ad, I’ve been reinvigorated,” Rekem said. “I haven’t been able to sleep or eat. I feel inspired to climb Mount Everest, conquer the solar system and, most importantly, buy a Silverado.”
Chevrolet’s ad campaign has made a wave that is impossible to ignore and is likely a trendsetter. A report published by the New York Times suggests that Amazon is planning to roll out a “You Are Not Alone” campaign, which is poised to lower incidents of cyberbullying by 11 percent and raise sales of unisex footwear by 580,000 percent.