Star Wars Standoff: Stormtroopers Join Mask Debate

By Jack Simon ‘22
Disneyland in Anaheim, CA is facing an existential crisis. Hundreds of Star Wars Stormtroopers are silently boycotting recent COVID-19-related safety restrictions by refusing to wear their masks under their helmets.

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Disneyland management has been trying to gain control over the demonstrators,  posing a unique challenge, as management must try to enforce COVID-19 regulations without upsetting Lord Vader or the Emperor. 
“These people shouldn't be allowed to work here anymore,” says Christen Chaves, friend of Captain Phasma. “They are violating the company policy.”
However, others see the standoff in a different light– literally. Ronald Jones, friend of Grand Moff Tarkin says, “The Empire flies by its own rules, and is not beholden to those of Disneyland.”
The Emperor, however, is on board with Disneyland’s rules. So far, ten Stormtroopers have been executed for refusing to wear masks under their helmets.    
Imagineers are solving the issue by installing HEPA air filters into standard issue Imperial and First Order helmets. The park will open as planned at 9 a.m.

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